We are zipping towards March and life has been filled with hello, goodbyes, successes and inspired actions. Mainly, what I focused on is getting help with some of the more dominant symptoms of my PMDD, whilst reading lots of lovely Advance Copies of wonderful romantic novels written by wonderful Romance Authors.
On Valentines we had a successful and fun Valentines Party in the Heidi Swain and Friends Group with lots of amazing Romance Authors. They get a rough ride of it but let me tell you, they inspire me and elovate me. Just recently one of the characters in a book was told not to build her walls so high that no one would be able to get in, I evaluated this thought, this idea, this notion and yes, thats exactly what I needed to process and understand. Operation lower the walls and my guard began.
I have had a number of blood work done, as my PMDD literally made me so cranky and over thoughtful, tired and exhausted that I really felt I was losing myself to feeling wrong rather than right. I discovered that I am low on Estrogen, ah, and in need of some weight loss. So today, is day one of my Oestrogel Journey. I was and am pretty nervous about it, but what if this is the answer to my health and mental health demons? I put the gel on my thigh as directed this morning, I keep looking for signs of improvement or deteriation. Yeah, it’s only been a few hours. I feel good.
Over the years, I have tried so many ways to get better, when the clouds started to shift I could literally see the trail of destruction that I had consciously and sub consciously left behind me thanks to a lack of awareness. The more I experimented with mindfulness, medication and vitamins, life continued to improve. I still leave a trail of distruction behind me at least once a month, if I have something to apologise for, I will, if I don’t I won’t. Life is all about change, each and every day. One of my greatest lessons has been the acceptance of impermanence. Nothing stays the same.
Life moves and flows like a river on its journey to the sea. It hits pace, blocks, rocks, serenity, stillness, cleanliness and so on and on. If you have ever listened to The Moldau by Friedrich Smetana, which is about the river Moldau, you will know what I mean. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZJwlDPWEkg&feature=share
People come and go, I come and go. Life comes and goes. The main key in life is to be happy, or as happy as you can be.
I read a book called One Night on the Island by Josie Silver, the main female character marries herself. Its actually, written beautifully, not tacky, and any judgement I may have had prior to reading the book evaporated. Would you marry yourself? If not, why not? The one you spend all of your life with is yourself, surely then you must respect and love yourself in a way you want others to love and respect you. I then came across the movie Marry Me. I loved it, I think Jennifer Lopez is an amazing actress and I love Owen Wilson, so it was a no brainer that I would grab my Odeon Limitless and book my ticket. It was so good, funny, romantic, lovely and inspiring. I have since listened to the soundtrack a million times. It also reminded me of my sons sisters mum, as she told me all about the brand Coach, which features in the movie. The song Love of my life by Jennifer Lopez is also about loving yourself, being everything to yourself, thats true happiness, when you find peace with yourself, peace will be everywhere else. Perfection and peace mean different things to different people. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=SzneXCCaPow&feature=share
I also found it very therapeutic to speak to someone who knew me before I was a mum, being able to talk about events that made that wall so much taller has been freeing.
There are so many wonderful people in my life, and you dont have to be ever present to be a friend.
The only way to have a friend is to be one. I am on a blog tour for Under One Roof by Samantha Tongue tomorrow, another great book that made me reconsider my own upbringing and family. Amazing what can happen when you allow your perception to change.
As ever, thanks for reading. Be kind to yourself. Fiona x