Well, I don’t know, what are they?

Woke up feeling the PMDD anxiety. Eventually it dissipated. I can feel its undercurrent, this is now a mind over matter scenario.

My left eye is reddening, key indicator that this months PMDD rollercoaster will be coming to an end in a few days. Putting thoughts into actions is somewhat tricky today. However, I have achieved some thing.

I made lunch yesterday. Pasta with broccoli and gravy. Best I could do for my dietary restrictions. I watched Dude where’s my car and laughed a lot.

My son wasn’t quite as enthusiastic about the movie. Can anyone believe it’s been 21 years since it first came out? The stoner dog and the ‘and then scene’ still cracks me up. It’s good to laugh. Even if I am the only one laughing. I don’t think that’s ever been an issue for me. I might watch Bridget Jones Diary later, that lumpy gravy scene is so funny. Have you ever read the book? It’s even better than the film.

Yes, I have spoken to my girls, Champus Fran, Snoopy B, Mommy type friend and my Oma who is 89. Uhm am still trying to feel comfortable in my body. It feels like my soul and body are at odds with each other and neither is winning. My mind is desperately trying to override them. I had to give up on my audible books, my mind just drifts and I don’t get anywhere.

The DPD guy is delivering something later. Yeah, it’s narrowed down to an hour starting at 1430hrs but still. Patience. Did you know that Patience is the time that passes for something you agreed to and know will happen.

Funny notion, to me when I heard that for the first time, it made perfect sense and waiting ie patience came a lot easier. Yes, something so simple can change perception.

25 minutes to lunch, I am not hungry, my mind is spinning, how I am finding the concentration to write this is beyond me, but its happening.

Yesterday, a lady and I were removed from an authors fb group because we didn’t agree with how she incited anger and ridicule to someone who had left a bad review on her latest book. I doubt receiving bad reviews is a nice thing, but my feeling is that it goes with the territory, one bad review doesn’t negate all the positive ones, there was a low blow moment that added to this tantrum, which was one of a few by the same person in a week. It put me right off buying another book by or recommending the author again.

Its not about being removed its about how some people take the people that put you where you are for granted. It’s a two way street.

I don’t expect people in the public eye to be sub human. I would like to think that they have a network of people who can and will listen and support them.

Thanks to my pmdd I know a lot about wrong behaviour and doing things that are out of character. Over the years and thanks to some medication, I have learnt to be better controlled.

Pmdd can feel like a bomb that you can’t defuse or a gun you can’t unload. What you need is an impeccable safety catch. There times my safety catch breaks, but these days it’s when my buttons have been pushed to a point of no return. Know yourself and your limitations and aim to surround yourself with people who compliment you and love you, as much as is possible for your life.

Almost time to get my sons food out of the oven.

Thats all I have right now. Until tomorrow.

Love, F x