Open BlogPost to those who want their reputation back from some who hold it captive with hate.

My life has been filled with people who come and go. My life has many facets. My life is complex, as is my personality. I am kind, loving, caring and very giving. I’d even go as far as to say I give too much.

Well, it’s draining to give, give and give, I decided to give less and do more for myself, if I cannot give to myself, no one else will, not in the way my heart, mind and soul crave to be nurtured by me. No one else. Self-love and preservation come first. How can you love someone else if you can and do not love yourself. Loving yourself is probably the hardest thing to do.

I don’t keep many friendships, often I find them overwhelming, suffocating and confusing, or the balance is wrong.

Often friendships seem to bring out a one upmanship that is unnecessary, there’s enough room for everyone.

I have had to train myself to walk away from situations that no longer serve my highest good. It then leaves destruction in its wake and that’s ok, because from the ashes we can all rise again and bloom in ways we never thought we could.

I am not always a good friend, but I am me, I can’t be what others expect, my kindness is often abused, I’ve plenty of knives in my back from situations that took two to break apart.

Life isn’t straight forward. From the moment we’re born there are many people and situation that will nurture us or stop is to protect us and support us.

Now you, and there are many YOU’s out there, please stop using me and our previous situations to garner empathy and sympathy, find something in yourself that releases you, find joy, find life.

Okay and I do understand that pain has been caused by me. 100%. I know I can be a cantankerous melt and I can also be cruel and unkind. Can’t we all? But what I do know about myself is that I shut down and move on.

I’ve not made endless smoke and mirror posts and digs. In fact I’ve been quite subdued about the situation. I’ve not asked people to take sides or spy on what’s going on?

I let friends go so they didn’t have to choose; I’ve released fake pals and people I considered good friends. I’ve let people go in order to regain my peace.

I have never ever asked anyone to take sides. I am not a Pick me kinda girl.

You’ll find me on insta talking rubbish about Below Deck, you’ll find me on my spiritual page that I put hard work into, to build, with the help of an amazing person called Rebecca. I’ve built a support community for people with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder and other hormonal issues. I review books for a number of publishing houses.

But have you ever considered what my life it like for you to trash me?

Haven’t you had more than enough from me? Sit down and have a think about what you’re up too off the back of me? Is that why you hate me? Because I elevated you and created a monster?

Does it bother you that I haven’t lost everything? That I still continue with my day?

You don’t see the bruises and cuts from having to put on a brave face and be more bothered about improving myself and my life and mental health. To accept chronic illness and limitations.

Stop talking about me bro, cut loose. Enjoy what you have and live.

It’s the end of silence and the end of being the person you use to feel better. Just be better.

Take care and feel gratitude for the opportunities ahead of you.

I’ve lost enough, I won’t lose anymore.